Last Comic Standing: Second Eliminations

Just before the show begins it occurs to me that I like the 2 hour long episodes this year. It means we get to see a lot more of the challenges as well as the whole of the final performances, and not the odd choppy editing that made everything seem so incomplete in past seasons.

We open on the comics at home, welcoming back Eliza and interviewing about her win. They give her a round of applause, including Papa CJ. Marcus gives her props in his interview. He says, "She rocked it. She came out strong. She deserved to win that night". Paul Foot says her humor is brilliant, but she is now vulnerable because she may not have more strong material for future competitions. CJ says shes not a strong comedian. Then he says, "Welcome to the big leagues, sweetheart." Wait, I thought he kept saying theres no comedy in India... so how would he know what the big leagues are? Could it be he doesn't actually perform solely in India? Could he possibly live and work in a different country with a rich tradition of comedy?

Comic Car Wash. The first challenge. They have to earn so much money washing cars and then they will get a clue for the second challenge. Why is Jim Tavaré on crutches? I wish they would explain that. If anyone finds out, please tell me. I worry. Sean Cullin says about this challenge, "It reminded me of the old days when performers had to clean things before they were allowed to perform." Marcus puts on a bikini top. It's a tad disturbing but the pattern nicely blends in with his tattoos. For a second there I didn't even realize he had it on. They all tell some cute jokes to the patrons and receive tips. They look like they are having fun and have great attitudes about it. By the end they have had a huge water fight, and all took turns doing Paris Hilton Arby™ commercial impressions. They return back to the house, change clothes and come down to find a gazillion carrots strewn about the floor. They are baffled as to their meaning. If they had just watched the previews they would know that they are meeting up with Carrot Top for the challenge called...

Mad Props. They have 20 minutes to grab pretty much anything they can use for prop comedy in a massive Bed, Bath and Beyond. I need to be in awe of them now because this would have had me apoplectic at the thought. When I first saw Carrot Top in the previews, I thought he had on a wig. In fact, watching the previews I caught a glimpse of him and thought it was someone dressed up as Carrot Top. I actually love Carrot Top, and despite all his critics, I think he's talented. I do try to look bored at his act and seem "cool" and above it, but he gets me laughing every time. But, um, does he wear guyliner? All the comics admit to having no experience with props, of course. Everybody runs around grabbing things and shoving them into overflowing carts. They get an additional hour to come up with some jokes, and to fashion things with scissors and stuff. Meanwhile, an audience and a stage is set up in the store. Carrot Top, of course, will judge them.

Without going into too much detail because it's really a visual thing — and to try to describe it will only make this article even more excruciatingly long — here are my opinions on the best and worse of the Mad Props Challenge:
Louis Ramey - Best: A colander hat with a light bulb on top invoking a Death Row joke. Worst: A shower curtain to pose in front of for fake vacation photos. He did a great job.
Marcus - Best: Lifetime's version of Iron Man. Worst: Angelina Jolie's lipstick. He did a good job.
Ron G - Best: Little Richard toilet paper roll. Worst: Black hug with a brown pillow? I didn't get it. He was not all that great. And he pointed out numerous times that he does not do prop comedy.
Papa CJ - Best: Nothing. Worst: All of it. He didn't do prop comedy, he held up objects as props. There's a difference. More specifically, he held up toothpaste and criticized airport security. Get it? Me neither. Carrot Top's response to that was a big raspberry. Cullin commented that CJ did no prop comedy, he just offended people, and not in a good way. I love that line.
Sean Cullin - Best: Midget pirate costume. Worst: 12 breasted alien bra. He was nonstop, and was really funny.
Adam Hunter - Best: O.J. Simpson starter kit. Worst: Paris Hilton as a duster. He was hit or miss.
Jim Tavaré - Best: Stepladder. Worst: Icebreaker, but I still liked it. They showed almost nothing of the set, so it was hard to tell if it was any good. Carrot Top said he was clever but not laugh-out-loud funny.
Eliza Shlesinger - Best: Mouse saddle, and it was good crafting, too. Worst: Gay nipple clamps, but still good crafting. She actually made a boob on which to hang the clips. She told longer jokes, almost giving each item a story. She was pretty good.
Paul Foot - Apologizes right away, and he explained too much. No best or worst, all just confusing and twitchy. He kept talking even after Bellamy outro'd him. He seemed devastated.
Jeff Dye - He had a theme. He reenacted favorite movies. It was a nice twist. I especially liked Land Before Time, ET, and Forrest Gump. For such originality, he wins immunity. Many of the other comics complain about that.

They show Paul Foot getting harassed by some of the other comics. Dudes. Not cool. Am I gonna have to start rooting for him? They all head out to the cemetery for the elimination vote.
I see something AWESOME! The booted acts get headstones in the cemetery. I wonder of they get to keep them? I also wonder where they that kind of fog in LA? And now I finally get it. They are in a cemetery because on stage they can either kill or die. Clever.

After the vote, Paul Foot and Papa CJ are tied, and they go together to decide on an opponent. They vote together to take Eliza. Idiots. They just watched her soundly trounce two other comics. CJ interviews that Eliza is a lovely girl but thinks she lacks comedic capabilities. Maybe he thinks her previous opponents were so bad that she didn't have to be all that good to beat them? I don't know. He was in the same room with the other comics when they assessed her set and they all had high praise for her. You'd think these very experienced male comics finding her set strong would be a good indicator. Ok, I did it. I played the gender card. I know there are people who don't think women are funny. I have no proof that these two feel that way towards women, I just have a gut feeling. Maybe being from England (and my theory that CJ does most of his shows outside of India is bolstered by one of the comics calling Foot, Tavaré and CJ the British comedians, not the Brits and the Indian) makes them think less of female comics. It's just a theory, but I think Eliza was onto something when she said she was vulnerable because she has a vagina. Foot interviews that all the Indian jokes CJ tells play the race card and that Eliza has the home turf advantage. At least he is acknowledging his opponents strengths instead of being automatically dismissive like CJ. I guess my thoughts on him being arrogant were more on the money than I would like. Louis thinks hes polished but I don't agree. I find his delivery odd, patronizing and obviously exaggerated. I feel bad for Foot. I think he is outside his comfort zone. He continues to interview that he believes Eliza doesn't have much material left seeing as how she has only been in comedy a short time (3 years.) But there are male comics in the same house that have less experience. If thats your logic, why not vote for them?

Marcus interviews about the ways in which he thinks Paul Foot is a good comic. He is getting my vote for most supportive comic in the Casa de Comedy. He sees the good in everybody. Except CJ. So I love Marcus now.

I've always felt that the majority of comics are in "the biz" because they somehow didn't fit in. Picked on, shy, or maybe they were the class clown, but somehow they were not like the normal kids and humor was a coping mechanism. In my very humble opinion, and this is a blatant and gross generalization, the tendency is that the cerebral, obscure-reference comics were the ones who were bullied for being weird The high energy, goofy ones were class clowns who liked attention, and the ones in between were the quiet kids who hid in the back and observed. Paul Foot seems like the really, really smart kid who got bullied and became, for lack of a better word, eccentric, even more so than most British comedians, which is way over the top. So honestly, I like him, and I even enjoyed his set, but he's not the type of comic that we are used to here in the States. After a stammer-filled start with a great premise — harassing annoying morning people in the middle of the night — he continued with bad set ups to good premises, and then went uncomfortably too far with it, abruptly changing direction from homosexual sex to why we hang out in the living room. His stammering makes him sound rattled and unprepared. The comics watching point out that he got weird at the end and lost everyone. That pretty much sums up that set perfectly. I've finally realized what bugs me about his hairstyle. I guess it's a British mullet, cut in an almost childlike way in the front and kind of girly in the back. Just when you think a mullet couldn't get any worse, this one comes along. I think what distracts me the most is that mullets shouldn't cover your ears.

Eliza's plan is to stress the point that she is an American, and the first words out of her mouth are, "Whats up LA, it's great to be home!" Which sets that up perfectly. She is, again, high energy with large physical gestures that play well in large theaters not unlike the one in which she is currently. She hits all-American subjects like school coaches, and a game called The Oregon Trail, which I have never heard of in my entire life. But the crowd seems to know it and they apparently love her references. She further hits on drinking, laughing at your significant other during an intimate moment and water parks. The comic gallery thinks its another winning set.

And so now it's time for Papa CJ. I am all ready for him to go down in flames. And then he opens with a really funny joke. I'll admit it, he might have a chance. He touches next on airport security, how he gets "randomly selected" for a search every time he flies because of the color of his skin. It's also a good joke. He gets a little blue with some ass-probe jokes, and then turns on some poor guy in the audience claiming he is the prober. The gentleman doesn't look too thrilled but he is willing to play along. But now, two jokes in he's doing "India is taking your computer programming/7-11 jobs" schtick, and then makes a joke involving curry that I really don't understand, despite backing up my Tivo several times. I also notice that many sentences he repeats twice, not because the audience is clapping or making noise so loudly he needs to reiterate, but more of a way of making sure we understand that he will be telling the joke soon, so be sure and pay attention. He makes a Weapons of Mass Destruction joke and the crowd clams up. Between this and the anti-Bush jokes he told in the Mad Props challenge I am reminded of how things like this work in my microcosm of Boston. Perhaps it works the same elsewhere, but here we all have a crazy relative. At every family get-together half the time is spent complaining about, making fun of, and generally saying nothing but horrible things about him or her. But if one non-relative were to walk up and say, "Oh that guy? I know him, he's a real asshole," the family would all take umbrage with this fellow. And by "umbrage" I mean "possibly beat the crap out of him for insulting one of our own". Only we get to talk about our family that way, and only Americans get to make jokes about America like that. No, it's not fair but an American comic in Britain making fun of, say, the Queen's looks wouldn't go over well either, I'll wager. After the round of stares Papa CJ gets for the weapons joke, he switches (maybe intentionally, maybe because they balked on him) to jokes he told in the semifinals, about the possibility he could die and be reborn as an audience member's baby, nursing on his wife's breast. And he is saying this to the same poor guy he roped in earlier with the butt probe stuff. Leave the guy alone! Spread the abuse, don't ruin this guys night! He looks like he's pretty sick of being singled out and I can totally understand why. Especially after CJ "advises" the man to perform oral sex on his wife, but not quite as politely as I wrote it. After he finishes, Sean Cullin and Marcus both say what I'm thinking: it's the same set he did in Vegas. Wasn't CJ himself criticizing Eliza for probably not having enough material for another performance? Hey, CJ: I haven't heard her tell the same joke twice, bub, and all I hear is the same tired crap from you. He annoys me to no end.

Paul Foot gets told right away he's out and I feel sorry for him for pretty much everything that happened to him this whole show. One good bit of news for him, however, is that most of the comics thought he was going to win this round. They point out that when the audience is behind him, he is very charming and I agree. I wish him the best and hope he does well.

Bill Bellamy drags out the reveal of the winner, but not surprising to me, Eliza wins with 62% of the vote. And then she almost throws up. She actually gags. Awesome. Nevertheless, I am thrilled because finally I'm seeing an LCS where the not funny comics go and the funny comics stay. Well, the funniest of the ones they chose. I still would have preferred seeing Jackie Kashian over about half of the ones who are still in. But still, I can't wait until next week. According to the previews, however, there is some sort of change. I can't tell if the "last showdown in LA" means another three comics going head to head, or if they will make all eight perform and some will move on to Las Vegas. I hate to see something as fun as the graveyard voting go away after just three weeks. I do know this, though: next week there will be Playboy bunnies on trampolines, so guys, be sure and tune in.

Feel Good Post of the Week

I don't mean to brag or anything but I have an average of three visitors a day to this blog, and I've decided it's time to wield this awesome and amazing influence in the name of goodness.

I have a very good friend who is walking in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk for Breast Cancer here in Boston next month. She is one of that fantastic breed of persons that act positively and pro-actively in the face of grief and sadness. She ran a marathon for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society after the loss of someone very close to her. This wasn't easy for her, as she suffers from some really debilitating migraines quite often. I am very proud of her. Now she has set her sights on breast cancer. Both of us have lost dear friends and family to this disease, so I am especially rooting for her in this grueling endeavor. She will walk 20 miles a day for three days straight, camping out along the way.

Her name is Donna Foley and she has a page that tells more about the walk, her story and how to donate here. The walk is next month so if you can help out, please act fast!

So That's What The Name Means

Saturday we went to our friend's annual block party. I am pleased to announce that there were NO Kia's parked this year. We are so proud. This year my son discovered a tree across the street from where we were sitting had edible sour cherries. He decided he wanted to make a cherry pie.

The hunt for ingredients:

The bounty gathered:


He actually tastes the cherries:

I apologize for the awkward watermarks. I'm sure there is a more professional and/or subtle looking way to do it but I am still new to all of this.

The Daily Crutch

On Wednesday I had my second plaster cast removed. The infection from the last time is gone but the incision is still not quite healed. So, yet again, we wait to start physical therapy. The doc says not to worry because the important thing is that I keep the tendon flexible, or else the lengthening will have been for naught, and I can do those exercises on my own. The PT is for getting strength back, and we can catch up in that way at any time. So for now my orders are more elevating, less walking and more Aircast. But the good news is that he cleared me for driving. Hooray, I thought! Yeah, as it turns out, not so much.

Bright and early on Thursday morning I said to Cameron, "Where do you want to go today? We are footloose and fancy free and mobile again." We decided we would start off heading to the vet because my cat had run out of her pills and had gone quite a few days without them. Then, since we were out in that area we would stop by a favorite farm-stand type store, and then finish the day off by stopping at our neighborhood spray park. Driving was going to require that I take off the Aircast. I brought along a clog to slip on because it wouldn't rub against my incision and that worked out well. The problem, it turns out, was that aforementioned "strength." Pulling out of the driveway wasn't too bad, it certainly felt different, and I admit to being a tad nervous. But I made my way down the street and up the ramp and onto the highway. This is when I discovered that pressing down on the accelerator with an atrophied leg can be a bit problematic. I couldn't get the car up over 45 mph. Other cars are whizzing by me, blowing horns, giving me That Look as they passed. That was scary, but I shifted my position on my seat and skooched a little closer and was able to get up to about 55 so I wasn't a total danger to myself and others. I merged onto the Mass Pike, which is a toll road, but I have the Fast Lane pass so I get over all the way to the right, not only to let faster cars get by but to get into the dedicated lane for the pass.

Now, to back up a little you should know that I was driving my '97 Ford Escort. This was the car that we unregistered and put in our garage when my son was born to save a little money. A few months ago we re-registered it and have been driving it instead of our other car because the Escort is only 4 cylinders and thus uses a little less gas. Plus, to my son it is "new" and he thinks it's a real treat to take the "green car." For some reason the Escort has lost it's little velcro tabs that hold the Fast Lane transponder on the windshield, so when we drive through a toll we need to dig out the transponder and hold it up behind the rear-view mirror in order for the whole transaction to go through. Oh, and driving through the Fast Lane without having a transponder results in a pretty hefty fine.

Can you guess what happened next? I'll bet you can! First I forgot I was supposed to hold the transponder up until I was just about under the point where it gets read, then I almost got rear-ended when I slammed on the brakes and started fumbling for it. Somehow I realized I was already past the point of no return and had to keep moving before I caused an accident, but the thoughts started flying through my head about how I had just ran the toll, and that our account doesn't even have the new license plate number listed. I was already pretty stressed out about the odd feelings in my right foot and after this happened I pretty much lost it. I started crying. Meanwhile my son, the chatterbox, is in the back.
"Mommy, when are we gonna get there where is the vet why does 'Pencer need pills does Jake need pills too when are we gonna get there." Then he noticed I was crying. "Mommy why are you crying why are we gonna get a ticket is the p'liceman gonna pull us over where is the p'lice car why will it come in the mail where is the p'liceman how does he know where we live." I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't focus on the road between my overwrought thoughts of breaking this news to my husband and Cam's voice.
"Cameron, PLEASE stop it, I need to CONCENTRATE. You need to be QUIET!"
Silence.
Silence.
Silence.
Then, from the back I hear the tiniest voice say, "Maybe we should just turn around."

That was so perfect that I actually laughed out loud. He sounded like he had grown 30 years in those moments. He also sounded concerned for his crazy old mother. I felt terrible and apologized to my boy, and we continued on to the vet because we really did need those pills, but we scratched the other plans, and went straight home, turned on the a/c and treated ourselves to massive amounts of ice cream and Tom and Jerry cartoons. And when I told my husband he actually laughed at me. Any other time I'd be mad at being the butt of the joke but this time it was completely welcome.

All in all, the driving was not a good idea. I won't be doing that again for a while. I am going to keep up my home exercises for another week and then try again in on the 21st, when I need to take the cat back to the vet. I believe I will take the back roads this time. You know, just in case.

Last Comic Standing: First Elimination Episode

Good Lord, why do I keep watching this show!?

I know I want to watch it because I love comedy. But every Friday these past few weeks I have planned to write a review of the most recent episode but for some reason never get around to it. I guess maybe the idea of watching the episode a second time for research purposes is too much to take, especially since I already know that I disagree with the comedians they ended up putting through. I just can't watch it again. But I tune in every week for every season because I keep thinking it will be different this time. What I want to know is why do I keep watching it when clearly it is a reality show and will therefore work on the laws of reality shows, and not by the laws of, say, good comedy. Why do I not understand that?

Of the 12 comedians that were selected to be in the show, only four of them I feel were funny enough to be on the show. That means that eight excellent comics were left behind in favor for other comics that perhaps would give the show more conflict and tension. So it's not so much who you can make laugh that gets you on this show, it is who you can aggravate and with whom you can create ratings-loving tension. Well, it doesn't say "Last Funny Comic Standing," now, does it?

The comedians that made it through the semi-finals last week and are now living together in NBC's "Casa De Comedy" and competing each week to stay in the show are:

Marcus: Normally he does impressions, which are very good, but in his semi-final show he did a clever, funny routine, and I was happy to see him go through. He shows a lot of versatility.
Louis Ramey: I thought he had the most well thought out, funny jokes with perfect timing. I am thoroughly rooting for this guy. He does my favorite type of jokes, the bait-and-switch, where he starts talking about a common situation, and then gives you a punchline you don't expect. For example, "Once you go black... you can't get credit."
Eliza Shlesinger: A strong act, I had her written down in my notes as the semi-final show went along as someone I hoped would advance. She has only three years experience, apparently, but she looks very polished.
Ron G: He started out ok, but the single joke in his set went on way too long. I need to see him do a variety of jokes to get an idea if he is funny. If he can't do that for a semi-final round, I can't be confidant he has any good material.
Adam Hunter: He had some funny material on rooting for the underdog, which is something I tend to do (although it doesn't seem that way re-reading some of my comments here, wowza!) but he seemed to be relying on his energy more than his writing.
Papa CJ: If you don't already know, he came into the competition in the quarter-final show with all the international comedians, and he hails from India. I really wanted to like this performer but he has a tendency to rely a little too much on what he thinks Americans think about Indians. His jokes settle around in the "I know you hate it when we take your job" area. And I am trying very hard to chalk his delivery style up to "accent and speech pattern differences" and not "arrogant and smug superiority."
Paul Foot: His act started out pretty good. I am a huge fan of quirky British comedians and he is all three of those, but he quickly faltered and lost steam after an awkward segue. Another comedian that was left behind was criticized by the judges for being "jumpy" in his delivery but Paul Foot was far twitchier and yet nothing was said to him and was sent through. Interesting.
Sean Cullin: Canadian comic who is on the silly side with his jokes. He sang a song about porn which was not bad, but again, I would have liked to have seen more jokes from him since he only had four minutes. When you commit to a song you have to stay with it, and if it isn't going well you can't bail on it for funnier material. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I do like his interviews, so there's that.
Jim Tavaré: Did I mention I like quirky British comedians? This guy has that in spades, as well as good material and great delivery. I like how he can seem both high-brow and silly at the same time. Plus I like putting in the little 'e' with the accent when I type so I definitely hope he sticks around.
God's Pottery: I can't tell you how much I do not understand this choice. First of all it is so painful watching them keep up that stupid act all day long. It's a one-trick dead and beaten pony. If they had to put through a team act I would have liked to see the twin guys or even the three-man act, even though I felt they were technically more of a sketch act.
Esther Ku: I know it can be risky criticizing someone good looking when you are clearly not, because it opens up the assumption that you are "just jealous". I am not jealous of Esther Ku's youth or looks. Let me just get that out of the way because I am so happy with all that I am inside that all I care about in regards to my body is that it be healthy. That being said, I really want Ku to stop being so freaking pretty. I'll bet if she wasn't so pretty she would have so much more material. There are things in the world that you can talk about that audiences relate too. Being pretty enough to date anyone you want? Not one of them. I heard this morning she has some ties to Boston so my loyalty chip wants me to root for her. I am willing to give her another chance in tonight's show.
Jeff Dye: Speaking of young and good looking, hubba hubba! Jeff Dye is this seasons Gary Gulman. He's the easy-on-the-eye comic for the lady viewers. Not surprisingly, I did not take notes on his act while he performed. Apparently I gave his act a "B". So hopefully he's funny.

Now, on to this week's show. SPOILERS TO FOLLOW!


In the interest of brevity (too late! ba dump bump!) in this weeks review, I won't get into the challenges in a lot of detail other than to say that the calender bit: not funny. They mostly just tried to look goofy, and goofy doesn't always make it good. My favorite costume: Jeff Dye as the baby. He did look hilarious. The "Yo Mamma" smack down competition was a fantastic idea, but I can't imagine how they decided to put through God's Pottery to the last round when their whole bit was being complimentary all three rounds. I just want to shake them and make them adapt to the situation instead of keeping up this tired old shit. Jim Tavaré deservedly won that challenge against them, but funnier comics got left behind in earlier rounds, for some baffling reason.

The three way elimination show brought us performances by Esther Ku, God's Pottery and Eliza Shlesinger. If you've read this far you know who I want to see go home. Esther's set was the same as we had seen before, the whole "Oh Em Gee, I'm so Asian and pretty and I can make myself sound kind of stupid so you must laugh" act. God's Pottery may have done a song we have seen before, they all sound the same to me. Eliza gave a solid performance with a lot of movement and well written jokes, so it was no surprise to me that she won. Actually I take that back. It was a bit of a surprise because so often talent does not seem to factor into this show. Even some of the other comics watching and analyzing the show thought God's Pottery had won even though they all agreed Eliza had the strongest set. Speaking of that evaluation, I love the addition of the non-performing comics watching the showdown and commenting on the performances. They were so insightful and made excellent points about each set.

I guess the reason I still keep watching, to answer my opening question, is that I am fascinated by how these comics deal with the challenges with which they are presented, even if I don't necessarily think they are funny. There is a lot of last minute writing and quick thinking involved and for that I am impressed. Also, like a train wreck, I can't look away from the voting of the audiences. I just need to see who America (cough*producers*cough) thinks is the most funny (cough*marketable*cough) comedian.

Bonus footage: former Boston comedian and current humongous talent Dwayne Perkins showing up as #4 on the countdown of the 10 funniest jokes ever on LCS.

Wii Will, Wii Will Hurt You!!

I am now a proud and pleased owner of a Wii!

I had been hinting to my husband for quite some time that I really wanted one, but I knew they could be expensive and we already had a PlayStation 2, so I never thought for a moment about outright asking for one. And it is possible that had one not practically fallen into his lap, he never would have considered getting me one either. But by some crazy stroke of luck, a friend of my husband's was looking to sell his barely-used Wii console with three games and three controllers. When he first heard about this he came home that evening with a sneaky smile on his face, teasing me that he had the best birthday gift for me. I didn't believe him.

My husband has a long tradition of bait-and-switch subterfuge. He will often make me think my birthday or Christmas gift is being held up in some kind of customs dispute and/or will require a home loan to afford. And of course, it is always perfectly nice but never have I needed a crane to get one of them into the house no matter how much he swore it would be necessary. My standard response is to just roll my eyes and act like whatever it is I'm sure it will be all wrong. A few days after he started bragging about this awesome gift I was getting, he mentioned it was going to be more expensive than he would have liked. Now, for the record, just this past Mother's Day he claimed the beautiful digital frame he got for me cost $280. I was stunned! I couldn't believe he so stupidly paid that much since I had seen the same frame for under $100. My gullibility struck again, and he let me believe that story for weeks before he admitted he got it for about 90 bucks, but this is what I mean about him trying to trick me. I figured this new claim that my birthday gift was too pricey was more of his typical BS and figured I would call his bluff. I told him his love was enough of a gift (cue sappy music) and he didn't have to go through oh so much trouble to get it for me. And if it was really something he thought I would want he could give it to me at a later date. So he canceled it and then told me all about his friend's situation and what a great deal it would have been, and that as soon as I said I didn't want it the man's sister-in-law was told she could have it to donate it to a nursing home. This time I believed him, and it turned out he was, in fact, telling the truth.

I spent about 2 days moping about what a big mistake I made turning down his gift. On the 4th of July, no doubt to get away from all of my whining, he went around to the neighborhood pub and ran into his friend. Turns out the sister-in-law had gotten a system of her own, thinking I had taken the original one, and it was still up for grabs. My husband wisely snatched it up and they brought it home for me for an early birthday gift, set it up on Saturday morning, and I played for most of that afternoon. Today I have very sore arms. Even two days later. I tried to play a little yesterday but literally could not lift my arms. I feel it in my biceps, my forearms and my shoulders. I can barely use my crutches. The forearm pain is still the worst today. I feel broken. And I love it!! I really feel this will be a good addition to my up and coming plans to lose weight, which will commence after I am done with my physical therapy. Hopefully if I save my pennies I can get the Wii Fit attachment before the weather turns cold.

Now all I need is an attachment to teach me how to tell when my husband is bullshitting me. I wonder how much that will cost?

The Daily Crutch

Yesterday was my 5 week visit with my doctor. It was supposed to be the day I got out of the air cast and began physical therapy. Well, unfortunately that's not what happened. Last Thursday was the last day for the wonderful woman who was taking care of me. Friday was the day my husband brought my 4 year old son to the New Hampshire Motor Speedway to see the NASCAR practice. Saturday my husband ran around doing errands and Sunday he spent all day at the track. Also on Sunday two friends were coming over to hang out and watch the race with me, and on Monday my father was coming up to see me for a few days.

What does this have to do with anything? Well, because of my visitors, and because I was on my own for so many days I started cleaning and cooking as if there was nothing wrong with me. And of course, the crutches just got in the way so I didn't use them. Because of all that activity, I opened up the incision. It is also infected. Even though this is five weeks post surgery I really am not surprised. When I went in after 10 days to get the stitches out they weren't ready to be removed and we had to wait an additional week. The problem is that I had the exact same surgery when I was 2 years old, and the doctor cut right alongside the old scar. So I have healthy tissue attempting to heal together with old scar tissue. So I think these kinds of complications should be expected. Obviously I exacerbated the problem, because I didn't have to make lunch on Sunday, or clean the living room; my friends would have understood. And if I had been more patient I'm sure my son could have done the majority of cleaning in his room.

The doctor decided I needed antibiotics, of course, and we both decided I needed a new plaster cast. If I had stayed in the aircast I'm sure I would have made it worse. I'm a fiddler. I can't leave things alone. If I am to heal, apparently, I need to keep myself away from myself. Now I have the equivalent to one of those cones they put on a dogs head to keep them from chewing their stitches. So now I promise I will be a good girl. Yes I will!

On a semi-related note, while looking for images for this post, I put the word "crutches" into the Photobucket search window. I learned that there really is a spelling gap in the nation's education system because what I got in the results were a lot of "crotches."